All Alone

The cold bleachers did nothing to warm my heart. I sat alone, clutching my Bible as I silently sat observing what was going on around me. Balls bounced against the floor, middle school kids played with their friends, and the teachers stood chatting by the gymnasium door. I could see my younger sisters having fun with their friends and it seemed as if I was the only one without a companion. My family had recently joined a new church and I dreaded Wednesday night AWANA because it meant I would be standing alone in a corner or be sitting alone on the metallic bleachers. I tried to make friends. I would smile at the third and fourth grade girls who were near my age. I would sit next to them in our AWANA sessions but our conversation never exceeded the minimum required to be just friendly enough. The girls weren't mean or rude but I knew I was an outsider to most of them who had known each other since their days in the church nursery. My loneliness and sadness pushed me to feverishly study my Bible verse memory passages. I didn't realize it then but by pushing myself to do more, I was attempting to evade everything that hurt me. It didn't work. I couldn't remove the feelings of rejection and friendlessness I felt when I had no friends at church. Years later I can see that God was there for me. He used my loneliness and my friendlessness to show me what I hadn't seen before. I was not the only lonely person in the world. There are multitudes of people who look at you through sad eyes and will tell you that they are doing fine. There are people who will always be alone unless you go to them. The little girl with the pigtails who sits by herself doesn't sit alone because she wants to. She sits alone because she thinks others want her to. This world is full of struggling and disheartened people. I know this because I was one. Please reach out to the people who would give anything to have a friend. Reach out to the children who know your name but wonder if you even know theirs. Your love will mean more to these people than you can fathom. I know what it would have been to me.