The Shell

Braces, glasses, and bangs contributed to the awkwardness of my early middle school years. While I have never been a nerd or an extreme introvert I did struggle with feeling out of place. I didn't smile at people I didn't know and I tried to avoid making eye contact with adults. I wasn't personable at all. My mom told me that I needed to be more friendly because I was coming across as cold and in some cases, even rude.

The shell that I was hiding in was fear. I could be in my shell and never be bothered. I could lock myself away from others by avoiding them. I was terrified of what people might think of me if I let them in. There was a man I knew who would always say to me "Aren't you going to smile? Aren't you happy?" I would stare at him and muster a smile but inwardly I was annoyed. I thought I was fine as I was but I knew I wasn't happy. I was fearing man and I was not having faith in God. I cared more about what everyone else thought of me instead of caring most about what God thought of me.

I'm not quite sure how it began. Maybe it started when I got a copy of The Girl in the Mirror devotional for my eleventh birthday or maybe it just began when I gave up. The shell began to crack ever so slightly. I could hear God telling me beautiful things.

"....I have loved you with and everlasting love."

"....Fear not for I am with you."

"....Man sees the outside but God sees the heart."

The love of God was like a chisel that chipped away at my fear, my shell, and kept on going until I, like a newly hatched baby bird, broke out into the sunlight. The fear of others was gone. The rays of light illuminated the darkness and I could smile. I could be me outside of the interior that had attempted to hold me back. I was free to be myself; the one that God created for his glory. I could flourish on the wings of his beauty and grace.